Occasionally I have nightmares about the puffy painted t-shirts and striped, threadbare stirrup pants I wore all the way through 6th grade. Now I hear you can buy stirrup pants from 7 jeans for $168, or from Bebe for $129. Apparently Jennifer Hudson was seen wearing them on the set of the “Sex and the City” movie. They’re the new-old hot thing.

Let’s look at the pros and cons of stirrup pants for a second here, just to make sure we’re giving them a fair shot at being this season’s retro-chic fashion comeback.

Pro

Con

Cowboys need stirrups. Stretch pants do not. (For that matter, do women ever need to wear stretch pants in public?) Stop the madness. End the 80s fashion revival. These pants were not classic then, and they are not any more classic now.

What’s next, the return of scrunchies?

Legend has it that a group of angry coal miners back in 1827 set fire to the coal field they worked in after a heated argument with their boss. More rational scholars seem to think that the fire probably started after a campfire got out of control.

Either way, this fire has been raging ever since. That’s right, the eternal flame has been going strong for the past 180 years. Until yesterday when it finally died out.

Now that’s some crazy shit.

And for some Tuesday enjoyment I’ve included this picture of a coal miner. Not because it’s relevant, but just because he’s sexy.

*Note: While normally a fire that burns for 180 years would get a perfect 10, the amount of carbon emitted into the atmosphere knocks it down to a +1.

Finally someone takes at the literary hipster scene and tells it like it is: one giant emo-boys-only club on a non-spiritual journey to find their inner selves. Or, as The American Scholar coins it, “something gentle this way comes.”

The American Scholars laments the “neuroses” of these young writers and remembers fondly a time when angst had more to do with living through war, living in poverty, dealing with sexual perversion, and truly dire circumstances than the events that “trigger the ‘Awww’ reflex of narcissistic empathy.”

Sure I loved Everything is Illuminated. I also loved A Heartbreaking Work when i read it back in high school (after reading a profile of Eggers in People magazine), but I also love female protagonists and crisis and feeling overwhelmed by where a story is taking me. I need the “something wicked this way comes,” too. And that’s just not something you’re likely to get from McSweeney’s.