For months now when i visit some of my favorite destinations on the Internet, I’ve been accosted by an ass with a smiley face on it.

Yes, many of you know what I’m talking about. And if you’ve ever had the nerve to look the ad in the crack, you’d know that it’s an add for the Toto Washlet—the fanciest toilet/bidet ever created. Of course, if you’re anything like me even seeing the booty in your peripheral vision is like having someone say “panties” a thousand times without stopping.

In order to try to get over my revulsion, i decided to learn more about this product that preys on misplaced fears that toilets aren’t clean (when everyone who has ever read Fast Food Nation knows that there’s more poo in your sink than in your can). This is what I learned. This toilet will let you do the following:

*Get up after defecating, walk into the other room, and then use a remote control to flush once you are at a safe distance.

*Turn driers on your butt and genitals in case you plop some water on yourself or potentially want a sexier bathroom experience.

*Use a “special wand” to shoot water wherever you want.

*Other fancy things that could possibly do with a remote control lid opener and closer.

In case you were wondering, I’m still grossed out.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 28th, 2007 at 12:00 am and is filed under not awesome. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.