There is nothing to say about the hilarity of this scene. It’s like what everyone’s worst “showing up at school with only your knickers on” dream except if you were really hot and wearing gold lamee and a shirt from the Limited Too bargain bin.

I con only assume that the ensuing thoughts were going something like this:

Adrienne Curry: Oh my god. Stay cool. You’re the only one wearing a bikini, but you still have a cover up. And gold fishnet is really coming back. Just look like you know what you’re doing.

Polka Dot: OMG. I was king of worried about wearing this fugly dress, but if i stay next to this crazy 80s mermaid chick, everyone will think I look awesome. Go me!

Adrienne: Why didn’t my publicist tell me that this was a fundraiser for the Nicole Brown domestic violence foundation. All she said was at the Playboy Mansion. She is sooo fired.

In a last ditch effort to convince the non-Harry Potter converts of the world that they are missing something truly fantastic, I present this disgustingly adorable video of J.K. Rowling reading the first chapter of Book 7 at the stroke of midnight.

Dear Superficial,

For months now I’ve been waiting for the anticipated-only-by-me redesign of The Superficial. The one that will solidify your corporate identity and make you look more like geekologie and iwatchstuff.

But then it finally happened.

(moment of silence)

After days of pondering now I’ve realized that it’s not you. It’s me. I’ve chosen to ignore the incessant jokes about how hot you think you are and how masculine. I even managed to look over the relatively small number of actual celebrity gossip posts as opposed to just scantily clad women posts. All because you at times hit the perfect level of snarkiness and for whatever reason your page layout makes me feel a lot less dirty than other celebrity gossip blogs.

But, this new design was a big wake-up slap in the face. And by new design I mostly mean the right “So Freaking Hot” sidebar–a notable deviation from the “So Freaking Cool” sidebar on your other sites.

Today was the first day that every single “featured post” wasn’t either random pictures of a hot celebrity in a bikini or random pictures of a hot celebrity in a bikini with comments by you talking about how fat/ugly/deformed she it. And that’s only because Lindsay got arrested. If I really wanted to be hit over the head with bikini-clad celebrities I would just go to idontlikeyouinthatway.

I’m sorry I’ve gotten all my friend addicted to you, superficial, because it’s obvious that our relationship means nothing to you.

Regretfully Yours,
Angela Chase

This guy wrote one of those ridiculously stupid articles that pretend to give women ‘advice’ about men….but in reality just spew sexist crap. In my opinion this is even worse than the Cosmo ones that teach us the best sex techniques, because really the thought of any woman taking personal advice from this tool about anything except how to be a tool is a joke. Let’s take a look at these ‘gems’ of wisdom…

1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It’s not just futile, it’s physically impossible. (Wow…I’ve never heard THAT cliché before.)

2. Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we’re even dumb enough to admit it. (Jessica Alba sucks. Angelina…now she’s hot.)

3. Don’t ask us to understand your shoe fetish. Asking us to respect it is even sort of pushing it. (Another cliché…good work…every woman has a shoe fetish. Good to know.)

4. You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it. (I’ve ALWAYS been told the opposite…but whatever…maybe hes just too used to looking at his blow-up doll.)

5. Ever notice how we don’t fight with our male friends? That’s why we get so frustrated when we fight with you. (I’m not sure I’d want any guy equating our relationship with their friendships with their guy friends…are we playing video games and drinking beer or you know seeing if we want to build a life together?)

6. You care what you’re wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you’re naked when you open the front door, you won’t hear an argument from us. (Who does this guy date? Someone should tell him that hiring a call-girl and/or stripper isn’t a ‘date’.)

7. You don’t like to get hit on in public, you don’t want to date online and you don’t want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we’re all over it. (I appreciate sarcasm as much as the next girl….but this is doesn’t even make sense. Is that what we’re calling the bar scene these days…”Courting?” Nothing says romance like drinking bottles of miller light in a crowded bar with a couple hundred strangers.)

8. There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours. (We bring them up because you keep doing them over and over again…stop f*cking up…and we’ll stop bringing it up.)

9. Cooking dinner for a man is like buying flowers for a woman, except it takes a lot more time, effort and thought for you to do it. Thanks. We appreciate it. (Wait? Where’d my damn apron go…and my hair rollers. Should I clean your apartment too? Whatever. I’ll buy myself some damn flowers.)

10. We actually like your girly pet-names for us, but please, not in front of the guys! (I thought our relationship was supposed to be just like the ones you have with ‘the guys’? I’m confused. )

11. Just because we like looking at the women in Maxim doesn’t mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long, anyway. (Ha! You’d better keep looking…cause it’s not like they’d talk to you.)

12. Your nice guy friends are the most reliable source for telling you if your new boyfriend’s a jerk. And he probably is. (By the way, you might want to consider marrying that nice guy who’s giving you advice about the jerk.)

As for #12, (I thought it was only 11?) uh…thanks I learned that ‘lesson’ from “Friends” and every single romantic comedy I’ve ever seen.

This guy has a website. You should read it. Apparently he’s “America’s leading dating expert.” It doesn’t say whether or not he’s married….which means he’s probably not. So…women of the world, don’t date Even Marc Katz.

It all started with Obama girl. Then there was Giuliani girl. Now, there is the Obama/Giuliani mashup, because I’m just not sure what other term is quite appropriate enough for their music-video-catfight-on-political-steroids. Which, really, is pretty awesomely amazing. Highlights include Giuliani girl laughing at tragically unhip Kucinich girl, Obama girl singing “I like my men like I like my coffee,” and Giuliani girl expressing a desire to be wife No. 4 as pictures of the mayor’s three wives flash on the screen.

The awesomeness really spun out of control (or maybe was tempered slightly) with Hillary girl, who as it happens is a former American Idol contestant. She is now totally overwhelmed by her sudden D-list internet celebrity brought on by the much more poppy (shall we say, Celine Dion-esque) rendition of support. Her blog is called “Hott4Hill,” which gets extra awesome points for sounding vaguely like a political porn site. Personally, when I heard there was a Hillary video, I was hoping for something more along the lines of a bronzed male with a rippled stomach writhing half-naked on the hood of a vintage pickup truck to some down-home country western music.

Instead, we just get a classroom full of cute kids singing along with their Catholic-schoolgirl-stereotype teacher. Yawn.

Politics, it seems, is sexy again. And that, my friends, is awesome.

For those travelers searching the globe for the ultimate peeing experience, look no further that Chongqing, China. These crazy kids have developed the ultimate tourist experience–the world’s largest public bathroom, which features 1,000 “innovatively designed” urinals.

That’s right. 1,000 different urinals. Many of which look like open mouths of various female humans and animals. That you go pee in. Just for fun.

Being a woman that respects myself, I find this disturbing on too many levels to even begin iterating here. I’m just waiting for pictures of jackass American tourists peeing to start surfacing on the Internet and hoping that their beyond painful stupidity will ultimately give me the last laugh.

There’s some crazy fuck out there who goes around making his bizarre fantasies come to live with fruit and vegetables. This should disturb me, and yet I find it somehow relieving.

Picture this. You’re a thirteen year old boy embarking on the new and incredibly awkward journey into puberty. You sit down to watch TV with the family and they put you in charge of the remote. You want to switch the channel to The Cosby Show, but somehow your pubescent urges, barely under control, force you to switch to the Spice Channel in all it’s pixelated, grunting glory.

No this is not one of those wake-up-in-a-cold-sweat nightmares. This is reality–or could be very soon, at least.

Hitachi announced a couple weeks ago that it has successfully tested a “brain-machine” interface that lets people control a device simply by thinking about it. Obviously, the first planned implementation is to use it for TV remote controls. The only catch is this: you have to wear a giant plastic headband around your forehead.

So just in case your family is planning on putting you through the twin mortifications of wearing a gray forehead-machine around the house and being privvy to your deepest Lifetime movie-watching fantasies, I’d start taking occulemcy lessons now.