Ladies (and gentlemen–even though I’ve left you out of the photos for now, you are not off the hook). I realize there’s an unfortunate lack of imagination in women’s clothing, which somehow necessitates us seeing a time line of “greatest hits” from the past hundred years paraded in front of us in about a tri-yearly cycle. But you’re smarter than that (well, maybe not you, J. Simpson). This is not 1950, women do not have to be completely repressed by their clothes. And the only thing fantastic about you wearing high-waisted pants is that it means we aren’t quite to the 1960’s fashion revival yet.

High waisted pants are not acceptable. Even if you are high and wasted, the two brain cells you have left rubbing together should be screaming at you. In fact, they probably are. So listen up.

People stopped wearing girdles on a regular basis for a reason. They’re damn uncomfortable. So imagine this. You one day decide to break out an old girdle you have lying around from the 80’s when they would be stupid enough to make something like that out of denim. And then you decide–eureka!–to sew it on to the top of your favorite pair of jeans.

Genius! No. Not it’s not genius. It’s a terrible idea. Not only does it look hideous (unless you’re really into the whole giant denim mermaid look, but they’re terribly uncomfortable as well.

So while I hate to name names, the first step in overcoming anything is recognizing you have it. If you find your photo below, repeat after me: My name is Ugle McFugly Pants and I’m a High-Waisted Fashion Victim.

	Xtina. wtf?? I want to be happy for you that you actually left the house without a see-through shirt on for once, but this new evil is not better than the first.
I know you want to blame it on the drug addiction and your terrible boyfriend Pete, Kate. But even if you’re feeling ugly on the inside, remember that you’re a supermodel. People don’t care about the inside. They need you pretty on the outside.
	No. That’s not a belt. I know you, like I, really want to pretend that all that denim isn’t attached. But it is.
OK. I thought there was nothing worse than high waisted pants, but I was wrong. There’s always high waisted shorts.
	Mischa. You confuse me. Ugly 50’s pants, 70’s T-shirt, 80’s excessive Louis Vuitton bag, 90’s little dog trailing behind. I can only guess that that photo I saw of you on the Superficial a couple of weeks ago smoking a joint while driving around in your car has something to do with it.
Scarlett, you almost pull this off with your red lipstick and smarmy mug.
	I could have just put this picture up with no text and we could have had a moment of silence for all terrible fashion moments that ever were. But I didn’t. Because Jessica, you get no love anymore. And I wanted you to feel like you weren’t alone.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 24th, 2007 at 2:34 pm and is filed under not awesome. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.